Week 39 - Parenting

Parenting – what does this mean for me? What are the parenting challenges I am facing at the moment?  Deb ( http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/   ) this couldn’t come at a better time. 

So what are my challenges – this is going to take a little bit of explaining and I know you will forgive me as I work my way through this.

In it’s simplest terms for me parenting is looking after my son and helping him to achieve everything he can whilst keeping him safe, protected and nourishing him in all areas.  As he grows up this is easier because I have grown and am now more confident but when he was a little tacker it wasn’t that easy.

We moved to Canberra a month before Merman was born – no family, no friends and being pregnant not work mates for me.  It was tough, I was scared and nobody but my hubby. My mum was only a phone call away but she was many miles away.

We were older first time parents and this was good for me, I was more settled and ready to settle down as was my hubby.

The best bit of advice my dear mum gave me was – it’s only a weed if you think it is a weed. Basically do what you think is right and what works for you not what others think or do.

LOML and I have done this and it works for us….. Don’t get me wrong, we made mistakes and still do.  Nobody is perfect but I am confident that I do the best I can and that if I do make a mistake I get over it and move on. I am never too proud to say sorry or to change a decision, rule or punishment.

I’ve been attending a workshop on Lousie Hay’s Heal your life and it is such an eye opener.  Louise says “we all do the best we can”, that we are all victims and that nobody hurts another one on purpose.

I’ve have learned so much and I know I made mistakes but I am trying to fix them.  I wish I hadn’t yelled so much at Merman, I wish I had played more games with him, I wish we had done more outside things.  This isn’t to say we didn’t do these things but I wish I had done more. I wish I hadn’t put others first – like work. I did the best I could.

Each and every one of us grows – both in ourselves and our parenting. This is as it should be. I am happy with our relationship and as any parent of a 16 year old (going on 30) will tell you some days are tough.  Hang on a minute – lets be honest here.  Merman is a great kid, we haven’t had any trouble with him.  There have been some issues at school – bullying etc but there hasn’t been any major issues.  No Drinking, Drugs, Bad behaviour just a young man doing the best he can.

Yes we were tough on him with manners and doing the right thing but now he is developing into his own man and a man I am proud of in so many ways.  I just wish he would study more, he gets good grades at school but he could do better with more study.  I can only show him, tell him and ask him to do it. I will not nag.

All is good and I am pleased with our relationship – Merman has a wonderful  heart and displays it often. I am very proud of him and love him to bits.  Challenges yes there are some and will be more but with love, understanding, respect and mutual goals we can achieve anything and everything.

There is something else I’d like to mention on this topic and its something I have been struggling to deal with…….

As you all know my sister passed away recently and even though Dad is in aged care, Mally was the main carer for him – she visited each week and did all the little things for him.  Dad is on the Gold Coast and I am in Canberra and my other sister is in Adelaide.  All of a sudden we are the joint carers for our father.

A new world for all of us……..

Dad is 86 with only 20% vision and onset of dementia.  Oh yeah I am 14 hours drive away and my sister is 25 hours drive away.  I am learning – it is hard but I am learning.  It is just like having a toddler again. His memory is going, he is getting paranoid, he wants attention all the time and he is so very negative – everyone is out to get him (even the lady calling bingo in the home). It is so very hard – my father, the tough strong man that I was always a bit fearful of now is relying on me. I am learning new skills and ways of dealing with dad.  Its not easy – I think the hardest thing for me is to understand that others can help too, that I don’t have to do it all.  Dad can still do some things for himself and there are others who want to help. There are also services available to help too.

As mentioned before for me parenting is looking after my son and helping him to achieve everything he can whilst keeping him safe, protected and nourishing him in all areas so it is for looking after my dad.

Parenting comes in all shapes and sizes, the thing to remember is that you are doing the best you can. Be kind to yourself, you will make mistakes – learn from them and that is the best lesson you can teach your child.

 I’ve been moving in a new direction in my life – for many reasons that I’ve mentioned in previous posts. I am more positive, I strongly believe that beliefs are very important – the way we think about ourselves shapes us. What belief we give others is so very important – actually it is the greatest gift you can give your child or anybody around you. It is also important to dissolve any belief that doesn’t serve you well.

My Challenge is to continue to create beliefs for my son that will see him achieve in his life but more importantly to dissolve any harmful beliefs. A challenge I am feel very confident in achieving.