52 Week Challenge - Week 8 - Happiness

Happiness - this will be a breeze, I know what makes me happy. Well I thought I did, I was almost sure I did, I had a few ideas, I sort of know what makes me happy…. Ok maybe I don’t know at all. So once again Deb( http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-nine-go-easier-on-yourself/#more-3158) has given me a great challenge.

I’ve been thinking about this all week and wondering what does make me happy.  Yes this does sound a bit strange, let me explain. 

In the simplest of terms:
                Instead of really looking at what makes me happy I’ve been getting caught up in what I think should make me happy.  What looks good, what is PC, what others expect to make me happy.

I didn’t want to go down the old track of pleasing others I want this to be about me! If it’s not then I am not learning anything, I am only talking the talk and not walking the talk.  There is only one way to approach this (for me anyway).  Looking at each part of the challenge and working through them word by word, bit by bit and creating my lists……

What makes me happy......

I suppose this is the crux of the matter- what makes me happy. I have lots of things that make me happy and I have listed them in the next part of the blog. I do understand that I am not happy all the time but in general I am a happy person and I live a joyful life.

What stands in my way?

This is far easier for me to answer than what makes me happy – confidence, being seen to do what is right, not putting myself first. Laziness. Fear of the unknown. I am the greatest obstacle to my happiness and I am constantly standing in my own way.  I am reminded of the quote “you are only as happy as you allow yourself to be”.  Sometimes I don’t think I deserve to be happy so I sabotage myself, I don’t do the things that make me happy.  My life is fairly simple I don’t have any major worries, nothing disastrous has occurred and my life is good so why shouldn’t I live a happy life?

 How do I overcome these hurdles?
I need to allow myself to be happier, it’s ok to be happier.  Yes there are people in the world that have tough lives, it’s not my fault and me being happy doesn’t take anything away from them. It is ok to be happy.  It is ok to spend my time being happy. It is ok to seek happiness.  It is almost as if I feel guilty when I am happy, sometimes I think there are competitions to see how miserable our lives are. When you speak to friends and you compare your day it’s wow my day was so busy – this happened and then they fire back with yes I know but this happened to me and you try to out do each other in the “my day was so bad” stakes. It’s almost as if it is a badge of honour if your day was worst then somebody else’s.  

I think it is really important to share the good and the bad times with loved ones and I totally understand that friends, good friends are there to listen to and provide support during tough times. It should also work the other way.   When you are honest and say that you are happy, or that everything is going really well it is like you don’t deserve it and you should be guilty. Almost like a right of passage and that you have to have really bad days because you don’t deserve good days.

Ok this is a bit harsh but it is how I’ve been feeling lately, I’ve been feeling really good about myself and happier than I have been in a long time. Unfortunately when I’ve mentioned this to a friend of mine the reaction I got wasn’t what I expected, she said “well you’ve been saying that for a while haven’t you”.  I got the distinctive feeling that my happiness was not what she wanted to hear and I suppose it is why we haven’t spoken much lately and maybe I’ve realised that the only thing we had in common was complaining and whinging about our lives and the fact that I am not complaining anymore has left us with nothing to talk about.  What is that old saying “misery loves company”.

I used to spend a lot time thinking about, worrying about and seeking happiness but now I am happier. I now actually spend a lot of time being happy, doing things that make me happy.  I am 48 years old and until recently I spent a lot of my time chasing happiness trying to find happiness without realising that I was actually very happy and that I didn’t need to be searching all the time. In a nutshell what I really needed to do was to do the things I liked to do and this made me happy.

 So instead of doing things that made other people happy all the time, thinking that if they were happy then I would be happy too I started do things that made me happy too and you know what our lives are so much better. I no longer think that what makes other people happy should be what makes me happy. Don’t get me wrong it is fantastic to share things with like minded people but it is also ok to like different things and to find happiness in different places.  What I am trying to say  (very clumsily) is that for far too long I used think that I had to like what other people liked to be happy and that until I started doing the things I liked I had never known true happiness.  I spent many years pretending so I would be like, so I would be seen to do the right thing. 

So what I would prefer to play computer games instead of doing housework, so what if I would rather learn about angels than sit and watch a TV show. Please don’t get me wrong I still respect other people’s likes and dislikes, I enjoy being with people with different interests. The difference is that I don’t need to like somebody else’s interests to be happy and I no longer believe that my interests are inconsequential. The truth is I was trying to be somebody I wasn’t and until I found myself I had no chance of being happy. 

What makes me happy ------ the big happiness picture for me is doing what I want, when I want, with whoever I want to.  Pretty simple isn’t it.  I made a list, a huge list of all the things that I like doing but the truth of it is different things make me happy and the list would be too big to put in this blog (which is already too big).  For me being happy basically the following:
                Being a person of value,

              Earning and giving respect, love, care, friendship

              Spending time being with people that matter to me

              Spending time doing the things I enjoy

I had a look at my huge list of things that make me happy and I am very lucky I actually doing something everyday that makes me happy. Yes it does sound very corny but I am a happy person and I am blessed enough to be able to spend time each day doing what makes me happy.  Maybe I should do the housework instead or some other boring stuff but I don’t.  I am very fortunate that each day I am able to:

                Go for a walk, talk with my loved ones, go to work, interact with people, play computer games, go onto facebook, learn something (if I want to), read, smile. The list goes on and on, these are all things I do and can do if I want.

I have one more ingredient that I’d like to add into the mixture, sometimes you have to have a few bad days to know how good the good days really are.  This is something that I truly believe, I don’t expect each day to be perfect, I know that some days are bad but I also know that it will pass and that in the greater scheme of things my life is great and I have a fantastic life that is filled with so many wonderful and positive people but more importantly I am happy and that I am responsible for my own happiness.  If I’m not happy then it is up to me to fix it.

As I am writing this I am watching Neil Diamond’s Hot August Night Concert – Song Sung Blue is on and I had forgotten how much l loved the song.  Please forgive my indulgence as I share some of the words with you.

“Me and you are subject to the blues now and then
But when you take the blues and make a song
You sing them out again

Song sung blue, Weeping like a willow
Song sung blue, Sleeping on my pillow

Funny thing, but you can sing it with a cry in your voice
And before you know it, start to feeling good
You simply got no choice”

Thanks Deb for reminding me that not only do  I have a lot to be happy for but that I am very happy with my life and enjoy what I have each and every day.