52 Week Challenge - Week 8 - Happiness

Happiness - this will be a breeze, I know what makes me happy. Well I thought I did, I was almost sure I did, I had a few ideas, I sort of know what makes me happy…. Ok maybe I don’t know at all. So once again Deb( http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-nine-go-easier-on-yourself/#more-3158) has given me a great challenge.

I’ve been thinking about this all week and wondering what does make me happy.  Yes this does sound a bit strange, let me explain. 

In the simplest of terms:
                Instead of really looking at what makes me happy I’ve been getting caught up in what I think should make me happy.  What looks good, what is PC, what others expect to make me happy.

I didn’t want to go down the old track of pleasing others I want this to be about me! If it’s not then I am not learning anything, I am only talking the talk and not walking the talk.  There is only one way to approach this (for me anyway).  Looking at each part of the challenge and working through them word by word, bit by bit and creating my lists……

What makes me happy......

I suppose this is the crux of the matter- what makes me happy. I have lots of things that make me happy and I have listed them in the next part of the blog. I do understand that I am not happy all the time but in general I am a happy person and I live a joyful life.

What stands in my way?

This is far easier for me to answer than what makes me happy – confidence, being seen to do what is right, not putting myself first. Laziness. Fear of the unknown. I am the greatest obstacle to my happiness and I am constantly standing in my own way.  I am reminded of the quote “you are only as happy as you allow yourself to be”.  Sometimes I don’t think I deserve to be happy so I sabotage myself, I don’t do the things that make me happy.  My life is fairly simple I don’t have any major worries, nothing disastrous has occurred and my life is good so why shouldn’t I live a happy life?

 How do I overcome these hurdles?
I need to allow myself to be happier, it’s ok to be happier.  Yes there are people in the world that have tough lives, it’s not my fault and me being happy doesn’t take anything away from them. It is ok to be happy.  It is ok to spend my time being happy. It is ok to seek happiness.  It is almost as if I feel guilty when I am happy, sometimes I think there are competitions to see how miserable our lives are. When you speak to friends and you compare your day it’s wow my day was so busy – this happened and then they fire back with yes I know but this happened to me and you try to out do each other in the “my day was so bad” stakes. It’s almost as if it is a badge of honour if your day was worst then somebody else’s.  

I think it is really important to share the good and the bad times with loved ones and I totally understand that friends, good friends are there to listen to and provide support during tough times. It should also work the other way.   When you are honest and say that you are happy, or that everything is going really well it is like you don’t deserve it and you should be guilty. Almost like a right of passage and that you have to have really bad days because you don’t deserve good days.

Ok this is a bit harsh but it is how I’ve been feeling lately, I’ve been feeling really good about myself and happier than I have been in a long time. Unfortunately when I’ve mentioned this to a friend of mine the reaction I got wasn’t what I expected, she said “well you’ve been saying that for a while haven’t you”.  I got the distinctive feeling that my happiness was not what she wanted to hear and I suppose it is why we haven’t spoken much lately and maybe I’ve realised that the only thing we had in common was complaining and whinging about our lives and the fact that I am not complaining anymore has left us with nothing to talk about.  What is that old saying “misery loves company”.

I used to spend a lot time thinking about, worrying about and seeking happiness but now I am happier. I now actually spend a lot of time being happy, doing things that make me happy.  I am 48 years old and until recently I spent a lot of my time chasing happiness trying to find happiness without realising that I was actually very happy and that I didn’t need to be searching all the time. In a nutshell what I really needed to do was to do the things I liked to do and this made me happy.

 So instead of doing things that made other people happy all the time, thinking that if they were happy then I would be happy too I started do things that made me happy too and you know what our lives are so much better. I no longer think that what makes other people happy should be what makes me happy. Don’t get me wrong it is fantastic to share things with like minded people but it is also ok to like different things and to find happiness in different places.  What I am trying to say  (very clumsily) is that for far too long I used think that I had to like what other people liked to be happy and that until I started doing the things I liked I had never known true happiness.  I spent many years pretending so I would be like, so I would be seen to do the right thing. 

So what I would prefer to play computer games instead of doing housework, so what if I would rather learn about angels than sit and watch a TV show. Please don’t get me wrong I still respect other people’s likes and dislikes, I enjoy being with people with different interests. The difference is that I don’t need to like somebody else’s interests to be happy and I no longer believe that my interests are inconsequential. The truth is I was trying to be somebody I wasn’t and until I found myself I had no chance of being happy. 

What makes me happy ------ the big happiness picture for me is doing what I want, when I want, with whoever I want to.  Pretty simple isn’t it.  I made a list, a huge list of all the things that I like doing but the truth of it is different things make me happy and the list would be too big to put in this blog (which is already too big).  For me being happy basically the following:
                Being a person of value,

              Earning and giving respect, love, care, friendship

              Spending time being with people that matter to me

              Spending time doing the things I enjoy

I had a look at my huge list of things that make me happy and I am very lucky I actually doing something everyday that makes me happy. Yes it does sound very corny but I am a happy person and I am blessed enough to be able to spend time each day doing what makes me happy.  Maybe I should do the housework instead or some other boring stuff but I don’t.  I am very fortunate that each day I am able to:

                Go for a walk, talk with my loved ones, go to work, interact with people, play computer games, go onto facebook, learn something (if I want to), read, smile. The list goes on and on, these are all things I do and can do if I want.

I have one more ingredient that I’d like to add into the mixture, sometimes you have to have a few bad days to know how good the good days really are.  This is something that I truly believe, I don’t expect each day to be perfect, I know that some days are bad but I also know that it will pass and that in the greater scheme of things my life is great and I have a fantastic life that is filled with so many wonderful and positive people but more importantly I am happy and that I am responsible for my own happiness.  If I’m not happy then it is up to me to fix it.

As I am writing this I am watching Neil Diamond’s Hot August Night Concert – Song Sung Blue is on and I had forgotten how much l loved the song.  Please forgive my indulgence as I share some of the words with you.

“Me and you are subject to the blues now and then
But when you take the blues and make a song
You sing them out again

Song sung blue, Weeping like a willow
Song sung blue, Sleeping on my pillow

Funny thing, but you can sing it with a cry in your voice
And before you know it, start to feeling good
You simply got no choice”

Thanks Deb for reminding me that not only do  I have a lot to be happy for but that I am very happy with my life and enjoy what I have each and every day.

52 Week Challenge - Week 7

52 Week challenge,  Week 7 – Vision Board

I’ve read the challenge, checked out Deb’s (http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-seven-creating-a-vision-board/) tips and vision board and then promptly did nothing until the Friday.  I should stop being so hard on myself – this week work has been very busy and I’ve worked three 12 hour days so really I haven’t have time to think of anything else. 

Work is now under control and I’ve had time to breathe and think about what I want for my vision board. I’ve been flicking through magazines, looking at quotes and imagining what my vision board would look like.  At work on Friday I found a large piece of cardboard (being thrown out) so I snaffled it.

Walking back to the car after work, struggling with bags, umbrella and the cardboard LOML asked me about the cardboard.  After discussing my challenge for this week and explaining what a vision board was LOML’s suggestion was to draw two eyes on the cardboard (that’s all, nothing else). I suppose if one stretches the imagination - yes he is right, actually as I type these words I think he might have something and I will include a picture of an eye.  Looking to the future, keeping and eye on things and a good reminder of my vision.  Sometimes I don’t give him enough credit – instead of talking to him about my challenges or other things in my life I have a preconceived idea that “he won’t be open or interested in any of my new age ideas”.  Maybe I should stop thinking that he won’t change and share my journey with him, who knows it may help the both of us.

Ok back to business – my goals, my family statement and my wheel of life shows that to me the following is very important (not in any particular order):

Health, Peacefulness, Respect, Spirituality, Honesty, Integrity, Understanding and Sincerity, Dependability, Being ourselves, Me, Weight reduction, Further education, Family, Holiday together, spending time together, Home, Cleaning house, Yard, Pergola, De Cluter, Career and Promotion. A couple of others that have come to light as I type this list – Friendships, Happiness and responsiveness.

So many words so little space.  Maybe I should organise them into categories and de clutter?

I’ve spent the last couple of hours flipping through magazines, checking out google and planning what I want to include on my vision board.  Yet again it was a challenge that I wasn’t looking  forward to, I have good ideas but I’m not that crafty and the end product doesn’t  often match up with what I want the project to be. But I must say in this case I am more than happy with my end product.  Actually I really enjoyed this challenge.  I think I am just going to have to trust Deb and realise her challenges are really good and more than that are really good for me.

So my vision board includes a couple of extra things – butterflies and references to mothers both of which are very important to me. I’ve also included an affirmation:

Today I will take charge of my life and make changes that I need to do, in order to be healthy, organised, happy and at peace. Today is a new day, it is the present not the past nor the future. I am well and calm, all is well in my world.

I’ve found a good place to hang my vision board – in the kitchen under the cork board and as the wallpaper on my phone so I can see it everyday.

Here is my vision board (a few different views to make sure I get everything in)

A great reminder of what I want for my family and for me, now I have to put all my good work into practice and make it happen.

52 Week Challenge - Goals and Priorities

By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be.

 Mark Victor Hansen

Its been a week and I haven’t tackled Deb’s http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-six-goal-setting-and-priorities/ challenge yet. I have been very busy with work and I’ve not dedicated the time I want to this challenge. The weekend is here and I’ve had time to kick back, spend a great night with friends and relax.  I’m now ready to work on my goals and priorities.

True to form, I’ve created a list and categorized my goals.

Me – as previously mentioned I’ve been spending time on myself and I am happy with where I heading. The time I spend looking after myself s very important to me and an area of my life I am very satisfied with. Of course there are things I’d like to change and for this year my goals are:

            Weight reduction -  I will continue to exercise, eat well and my weight will reduce.  I will spend the time needed to exercise and eat well. I will reduce my weight by 2kgs each month until I reach my goal weight.

Publishing my book - I will review my manuscript each month to make improvements and each month I will seek out a different publisher to send my manuscript to. In six months I will also investigate self publishing.

            Further education – I will investigate further education to enhance my writing techniques. I will spend the time needed to learn something new. Within the next month I will commence a writing course.

Family – looking back to my family mission statement it is all about respect and being kind to each other. I’d like to add making the time we spend together count, not just going through the motions but actually doing something together.

Holiday together – we will plan a holiday this year, doesn’t need to be long, expensive or fancy. Key ingredients are LOML, Merman and I doing something new, fun and together. Each week I will check out the cruise sites for a suitable cruise for the family.

            Spending time together – not just at holiday time but each week, each day we will spend time together. When merman was younger I used to ask him to tell me 3 things that went well for him at school and 1 thing that didn’t go as planned.  Lately we haven’t been doing this, I think its time to start it up again.  Merman catches the bus now and we don’t spend time traveling to and from school together so I will make time to find out what is going on in his life. Its not just about Merman, I will spend more time with LOML too. So far this year we have been travelling to and from work together and lunching together most days.  It has been really good and our relationship has improved.

Merman is in year 10 this year and it is a priority for me that he makes it through the year working to his best ability, enjoying his year, being well adjusted, having fun and making sure he has everything he needs (not everything he wants). While this isn’t a goal it is definitely a priority.

Home – Ah Home, not that this is a huge priority for me but it is one of my goals to do more around the home. I’ve been very slack lately and well it is time that I get back to looking after the home.

Cleaning house – yes I will ensure that the house receives some sort of cleaning each week. I’ve been thinking about this and it doesn’t mean that I have to do it all. I can enlist a bit of assistance from the two others that share this home.  We all have chores and I just might add a few to the boys list so we all share the fun (pain of housework).  I have a friend that wears a toy tiara when she cleans so she feels special….. I’d love to see LOML and Merman wearing a tiara cleaning the toilet.  Ha ha!

            Yard – another area that I am not too fussed with but I will dedicate some time each month in the yard. Not a priority for me but a goal I would like to achieve.

Pergola – Working with the family I would like to start the “pergola project”.  Working together to extend the pergola and replace the roof to keep the rain out before next summer.

           De clutter – Working through each room in the house I want to get rid of the unwanted, the unused, the broken and the out grown. When we were in the RAAF we moved every 6 years and we de cluttered each time we moved, now that we have settled down and have been in this place for 15 years its time to de clutter. I don’t think I need Thomas’ baby toys anymore…..Before we buy anything new is purchased I will clean out the back room – one thing in and two things out……

Career – since leaving the RAAF I’ve not been very interested in my career but lately I’ve been thinking about what I want to do. I spend a big chunk of my day at work and I want to be happy and do a job that is fulfilling and worthwhile. Something that gives me a sense of value.
            Promotion -  I will work towards promotion, learning what I need to get to the next level, this includes working on further education.  This won’t be a quick fix, within in the next 2 years I would like to be at the next level. I need to really work this out with my managers to see what opportunities exist. I will discuss suitable opportunities at my PDA meeting.

In planning my goals I tried to use SMART:

·         S - Specific (or Significant).

·         M - Measurable (or Meaningful).

·         A - Attainable (or Action-Oriented).

·         R - Relevant (or Rewarding).

·         T - Time-bound (or Trackable).

I didn’t always get the measurable or trackable right but I am happy with my “list”. I am already working towards a number of the goals,  it is a lot easier now that I’ve written then down. Today LOML, Merman and I went to the Multicultural Festival and it was fun, we had a nice time together…… and so it begins another new stage in our lives, a stage I am really looking forward to.

The most important thing about goals is having one. Abert, Geoffrey F.

52 Week Challenge - Wheel of life, part 2 - How I will do it!

A free week – thanks Deb (http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/52-weeks-to-simplify-your-life-challenge/).  I appreciate the time to take in what we’ve been doing and to put into practice some of the things I have learnt.
 My wheel of life is out of shape and needs some attention and this week I’ve been thinking about how I can make the changes needed to get some balance in my life. 

My current wheel of life is:  Family 4, Me 3, Work 3, Peacefulness 3, Development 2, Spirituality 2, Health 1 and Home 1. The wheel of life I would like is 3 for everything.                              

I’ve been spending the last few years growing, learning about myself and devoting time to me. Not a bad thing actually something that was very important but in concentrating on me I let a few other areas in my life get out of control. The wheel of life reinforced what I have been feeling for a while and now is the time to bring some balance back, to right a few wrongs and to get back on track.

Looking back I’ve decided the best way forward is to take baby steps and keep the changes manageable.  Previous experiences have taught me that if I make too many changes I become overwhelmed and then give up totally. My plan is to look at each of my categories and decide what I need to make my life balanced – some may need less attention and some will need more attention. Some will be easy and some not so but a plan has been hatched.

Family – for me this is not only LOML and Merman but our immediate family. I am happy with most of the category, there are some things I’d like to do more especially contact with LOML’s family.  I don’t talk to them as much as I would like.  All of us live busy lives and finding a time to talk is difficult and with the art of letter writing definitely gone what I am going to do is every month send a message on Facebook to my sisters-in-law and nieces.  Just to say hello and to touch bases to find out what is happening in their lives.  A small amount effort is all that is needed.  This year I have started calling my Dad (he is in aged care and I’ve found if I talk to him each day thinks go easier), I will continue this – I will make the time to do it.
                As Merman is 15 years old he doesn’t need as much hands on care and I am able to redirect some of my time. This will be hard for me, not to be so involved with his life and to let him do things his way when he wants to do them but it is an important part of learning for him so I have to do it.

Addition:  Messages to family

            Deletion: Doing less for Merman
Me – this category needs a bit of work, I think it is time for me to stop concentrating so much on myself and to balance things out.  Don’t get me wrong Me time is very important but I think I do too much of it. I will do this by spending less time playing FB games and devote time to other things like – messages to family, health and writing.
            Addition:  not so much an addition but a re- direction of energy
            Deletion: Cutting back on the FB games
Work – I think I have this about right I don’t need to add or delete anything here.  When needed I put the extra effort in but I also know that I don’t need the next effort all the time.

Peacefulness – I spend a lot of time trying to have peace around me in both family and friends. I don’t think this is a bad thing but I do try too hard sometimes and I want to stop this. I actually put others ahead of my family and myself and I don’t think that is healthy all the time. So for peacefulness I want to concentrate on my own peacefulness, not to be caught up in making sure everyone else is ok that it is detrimental to me or my family.

           Addition: putting my family and myself first
           Deletion: Taking a step back and understanding that others aren’t always right
 Development – I read a lot of articles and am always doing things for my development.  This challenge is one of them and I am happy with this category. One thing I am looking at is to tertiary education.  I only completed year 10 and whilst I have a good job I think that to go further at work I need tertiary education.  I’m not sure what but I am looking around at the moment.

Addition: Tertiary education

Spirituality – for me this means a number of things, its not just religion. Its about what recharges your battery, its about what you need in your life.  For me it’s a number of things, its spending time with friends that rejuvenate you – that support you and allow  you to be all you can be. Its about your belief system whatever it is. For me its following a few sites on FB that help me to feel good about myself and that open me up to a new and exciting world.

Deletion:  There isn’t anything I would stop doing.

            Addition: I would like to spend more time looking into angels and more time with the friends that recharge my batteries especially more time with my walking and swimming partner.

Now for the two tough ones…………

Health – for too long I have neglected my health and this has to stop now. It will stop now.  I have already started to make changes but I really need to put more effort into my health and I am feeling better but I do go off track and I could be doing a lot better.

Deletion:  I need to cut back on the bubbles – not so many alcoholic drinks, far too many calories in a glass and I have far too many glasses in a week.

Addition:  Exercise, Exercise, Exercise – nothing more to it really I need to put the effort in.

Home – Ok time for the facing the truth – I am not a good housewife, I don’t like it and I don’t do it often.  I only clean when I know we are getting visitors.  I need to keep the house better. So from now on I will do some housework each night.

Addition:  Oh so many things that need to be added. But in the first instance I will do something each night – 20 minutes is all that it takes and 20 minutes is what it will be.  I will also ask for help from LOML and Merman.

            Deletion:  Putting everything before housework. 

 So there you have it my plan for getting my life back into balance.