52 Week Challenge - Week 11

Gratitude

Love it! I’ve said it before and I will say it again thank you so much Deb.  (http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-twelve-dealing-with-change/#more-3379).  Each week the challenges just keep getting better.  I love this challenge.

Being grateful is very important to me and one of life’s lessons that I hope I have passed on to Merman.  Each day I am grateful for the many wonderful people and things in my life, this has been more important to me as I grow older.  I think as we age (gracefully) we become aware of all the great things in our lives and how important it is to acknowledge them.

My father is in aged care and I ring him each day, he is 85 and has been diagnosed as being legally blind due to Macular Degeneration.  Each day he has something else to complain about, how bad his life is, how it isn’t fair, how people are out to get him and it is so frustrating. I wish he could see how lucky he is, at times I try to point things out to him but he doesn’t see it that way.  It is hard but I will continue to point out the positives and what he should be grateful for.  This morning he was complaining about one of the workers saying she doesn’t like him because she sent one of the younger ones to shave him.  I tried to point out that how lucky he was that he could be shaved when he wanted it, that maybe the younger one needed experience and the they know how understanding Dad is so he would be good for her, maybe there were other jobs to be done that needed a more experienced hand, maybe just maybe it was her job but to no avail Dad is convinced it’s because the she didn’t like him. 

My experiences with my father have definitely had a major effect on my life and will continue to shape the way I express my gratitude.

I have always been appreciative when dealing people, a smile and a kind word when shopping, hello to the reception people when I pass them at work, a thank you to the cleaners when they are near me, more importantly for me – understanding that things are not always what they seem – walking a mile in an others shoes and treating others has I’d like to be treated.

Over the years I’ve found a couple of ways to show people how appreciative I am and my favourite is Valentine’s Day……. I’ve reclaimed it from the lovers of the world and changed it a bit, instead of Valentine’s Day being about lovers for me it is about telling people how special they are, why I am grateful they are in my life and how important they are to me.  I started this a few years ago when I sent cards to my special people telling them how much they mean to me.  Over the years it has changed a bit, I’ve started using technology and emails have replaced the cards but the message hasn’t changed.  I let people know why they are important and what I love about them.  Feedback is differing – some people get back to me straight away and respond in kind, some people just say “thanks” and some people don’t reply at all.  Not only am I letting people know how special they are but it is very good for me too and it makes me feel good to show my appreciation.

Random acts of kindness

I love the term “Random acts of kindness” for a number of reasons, yes it’s great to see the response when you give random acts of kindness, it is fantastic when people give you random acts of kindness and for me it brings back great memories. 

A couple of years ago we were on holidays with good friends Merman was 11 and Miss M was 12. Yes difficult ages – all those hormones and well two kids that are used to being only children.  I think you know where I am going with this. When the novelty of having someone to do things with wore off and a bit of niggle started to appear between the two kids I came up with an idea to get them working together.  A challenge if you will………

Points were to be earned and lost – challenges set and at the end of two days if a certain number of points were reached then it was “Cold Rock” time.  The number of points dictated the number of cold rock ingredients.  The challenges included “working together points”, “random act of kindness” points and “losing points for temper tantrums and bad behaviour”.

It was a lot of fun – during a bus ride the race was on to give up a seat because that was worth 5 points.  I’ve never seen the 2 of them so nice and polite to each other (yes another 5 points on offer). Going to a shopping centre and watching the 2 of them racing up the stairs, nearly knocking over the elderly gentleman as they raced to open the door for him.  When they opened the door and getting a lovely compliment from him – mouthing “5 points for random act of kindness”.  It was a lot of fun and something they both still talk about today.  Yes they did earn enough points for four ingredients each at cold rock.

The other side of being grateful

There is also another side of being grateful that for me is very important and one that at times I struggle with.  Struggling with gratitude I hear you say – what struggles could there possibly be.

Receiving a compliment – accepting thanks from others.   This sounds easy but really it isn’t, how many times have you been told you how nice you look and you say “no I don’t”.  By disagreeing with the compliment isn’t it putting down the compliment givers opinion?  I know this is over simplifying it and in most cases it’s not an insult it is actually our own insecurities but it is an area that I am trying to change in my responses. It is acknowledging the compliment because you never know if you don’t believe you deserve compliments than others may stop believing you do too.

 How many times are you thanked for something you do and you say “it’s nothing at all”. I am constantly reminding myself that when I am thanked for something I’ve done to acknowledge the thanks by saying “it’s my pleasure” or something to acknowledge the gratitude.  If somebody takes the time to acknowledge your actions you shouldn’t just fob it off as if it doesn’t matter, as if it is nothing at all because it not only belittles the action but the requirement for the action and the person giving the thanks.  When effort is made it needs to be acknowledged. A small action can mean so much to others and we need to remember how important our actions are.

I recently read an article about advice from mums that listed 41 bits of advice that mums have given over the years and whilst I agree with all of the advice there were a couple that really stood out for me:

·        Give compliments easily

·        Receive compliments gracefully

·        Courtesy and compassion cost nothing

The week ahead

This week I will concentrate on the following areas:

·        Identifying something I am grateful for each day

·        Giving LOML and Merman  a compliment or a word of thanks each day

·        Receiving any compliments I receive gracefully