Week 39 - Parenting

Parenting – what does this mean for me? What are the parenting challenges I am facing at the moment?  Deb ( http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/   ) this couldn’t come at a better time. 

So what are my challenges – this is going to take a little bit of explaining and I know you will forgive me as I work my way through this.

In it’s simplest terms for me parenting is looking after my son and helping him to achieve everything he can whilst keeping him safe, protected and nourishing him in all areas.  As he grows up this is easier because I have grown and am now more confident but when he was a little tacker it wasn’t that easy.

We moved to Canberra a month before Merman was born – no family, no friends and being pregnant not work mates for me.  It was tough, I was scared and nobody but my hubby. My mum was only a phone call away but she was many miles away.

We were older first time parents and this was good for me, I was more settled and ready to settle down as was my hubby.

The best bit of advice my dear mum gave me was – it’s only a weed if you think it is a weed. Basically do what you think is right and what works for you not what others think or do.

LOML and I have done this and it works for us….. Don’t get me wrong, we made mistakes and still do.  Nobody is perfect but I am confident that I do the best I can and that if I do make a mistake I get over it and move on. I am never too proud to say sorry or to change a decision, rule or punishment.

I’ve been attending a workshop on Lousie Hay’s Heal your life and it is such an eye opener.  Louise says “we all do the best we can”, that we are all victims and that nobody hurts another one on purpose.

I’ve have learned so much and I know I made mistakes but I am trying to fix them.  I wish I hadn’t yelled so much at Merman, I wish I had played more games with him, I wish we had done more outside things.  This isn’t to say we didn’t do these things but I wish I had done more. I wish I hadn’t put others first – like work. I did the best I could.

Each and every one of us grows – both in ourselves and our parenting. This is as it should be. I am happy with our relationship and as any parent of a 16 year old (going on 30) will tell you some days are tough.  Hang on a minute – lets be honest here.  Merman is a great kid, we haven’t had any trouble with him.  There have been some issues at school – bullying etc but there hasn’t been any major issues.  No Drinking, Drugs, Bad behaviour just a young man doing the best he can.

Yes we were tough on him with manners and doing the right thing but now he is developing into his own man and a man I am proud of in so many ways.  I just wish he would study more, he gets good grades at school but he could do better with more study.  I can only show him, tell him and ask him to do it. I will not nag.

All is good and I am pleased with our relationship – Merman has a wonderful  heart and displays it often. I am very proud of him and love him to bits.  Challenges yes there are some and will be more but with love, understanding, respect and mutual goals we can achieve anything and everything.

There is something else I’d like to mention on this topic and its something I have been struggling to deal with…….

As you all know my sister passed away recently and even though Dad is in aged care, Mally was the main carer for him – she visited each week and did all the little things for him.  Dad is on the Gold Coast and I am in Canberra and my other sister is in Adelaide.  All of a sudden we are the joint carers for our father.

A new world for all of us……..

Dad is 86 with only 20% vision and onset of dementia.  Oh yeah I am 14 hours drive away and my sister is 25 hours drive away.  I am learning – it is hard but I am learning.  It is just like having a toddler again. His memory is going, he is getting paranoid, he wants attention all the time and he is so very negative – everyone is out to get him (even the lady calling bingo in the home). It is so very hard – my father, the tough strong man that I was always a bit fearful of now is relying on me. I am learning new skills and ways of dealing with dad.  Its not easy – I think the hardest thing for me is to understand that others can help too, that I don’t have to do it all.  Dad can still do some things for himself and there are others who want to help. There are also services available to help too.

As mentioned before for me parenting is looking after my son and helping him to achieve everything he can whilst keeping him safe, protected and nourishing him in all areas so it is for looking after my dad.

Parenting comes in all shapes and sizes, the thing to remember is that you are doing the best you can. Be kind to yourself, you will make mistakes – learn from them and that is the best lesson you can teach your child.

 I’ve been moving in a new direction in my life – for many reasons that I’ve mentioned in previous posts. I am more positive, I strongly believe that beliefs are very important – the way we think about ourselves shapes us. What belief we give others is so very important – actually it is the greatest gift you can give your child or anybody around you. It is also important to dissolve any belief that doesn’t serve you well.

My Challenge is to continue to create beliefs for my son that will see him achieve in his life but more importantly to dissolve any harmful beliefs. A challenge I am feel very confident in achieving.

Week 38 - Checking In

The last six weeks have flashed past in a blur – I seem to remember making plans for better eating, moving, beauty and relaxing.

So what have I been up to in the last 6 weeks…….

Balance – my life has never been more balanced.  I have reassessed, reorganised and reinvented myself and I am enjoying my new schedule.

Eating better – this has been hit and miss, definitely a work in progress.  One thing I have done is stopped drinking diet drinks……. I am drinking more water.  My meals are better and I don’t pig out as much but there is room for improvement.

Moving – this has been the biggest change for me.  I have joined the most amazing gym and love the time I spend there. Actually I am going 4 times a week and really do understand how gyms can become addictive. Its 3 weeks until  my assessment but I do feel I’ve reduced weight and improved.

Beauty – this has never been an important focus for me but  I have added some routines into my schedule.  I am shaving my legs regularly and moisturising twice a day. 

Relaxing – understanding what relaxing means to me is the key.  So what is relaxing….. I love being on Facebook and I relax each night with it.  Pedicures once a month and chilling out.

Looking back I have achieved a great deal in the past few weeks, yes there is still room for improvement and I will be making those improvements over the coming weeks.

Thanks Deb (http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-parenting/) its good to look back to see how far we have come.  

Week 37 Self Care

Self care is one of the most important changes I have made and to be honest it is the one I needed to make the most.   I no longer think it is selfish to do something for yourself, to spend time on yourself I actually think it is a necessity.

I think this is so important, actually it is something that for many years was lacking in my life until just recently.

I always thought people were selfish when they did things for themselves, put themselves first.  I’d see people making time for doing things for themselves whether it be at lunch time evening or weekends. A couple of years ago this started to change for me and has been on the improve ever since.

I had it wrong it isn’t about being selfish at all.  It is about taking care of yourself so you can keep going and caring for others.

I decided a while ago to change but the hard thing for me was how to change…. A life time of thinking that I had to put everyone first and me second took a bit to change.  So here I am nearly 49 years and I’ve been married for nearly 29 years and I decide to change……… How?

The first step for me was simplifying my life (thanks Deb….http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/health-wellness-update/) – I am well on my way now but to be honest there were a few tough times and I didn’t’ feel I was moving in the direction I wanted.   I was still putting myself second and not focussing on myself. I was thinking that It was enough that I was doing some things but well it wasn’t.

With the passing of my sister, things changed and to be honest all I seem to do lately is taking care of myself.  No that is wrong – I am making time for the things I want to do and I am also taking care of everything else.  I’ve even taken on some extra responsibilities (Dad and work).

Each week I am going to the gym 3 or 4 times, I am attending a “heal yourself workshop”, meditation session once a week, regular pedicure and haircuts when I need it.  I am spending time on myself and enjoying it.  It may not be regular but I make sure I schedule times into my weekly plan. You know what I still find time to take care of everything else.

Self care – luxury no I say it is a necessity.

Week 36 - Beauty and Fashion Rituals.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder……………..

This week is a tough one for me as I don’t do the beauty and fashion thing well or at all – if I am being honest.
Being overweight I have always hidden behind the excuses of I don’t need to spend the time on beauty and fashion – what does it matter I won’t look good anyway…….when I loose some weight I can get new clothes

Oh yeah lets not forget my all time favourite…… I will work on my inner beauty and that is all that matters.

Well here I am nearly 49 years old and where has it got me.  Yep still overweight, inner beauty has been and always will be awesome and no distinct fashion style.

I’ve been thinking about this all week and trying to work out what I want.  Is it to follow fashion and be like everyone else, or is it to be myself and what is myself……………..

No to being like everyone else so what is my fashion style.

My sister was very much into coordination – all colours must match and styles have to go together. She spent a lot of time and money on creating each of her ‘looks’.  It was so much fun watching her get ready – it is one of the many things I will miss. But it isn’t the thing for me.

I love scarves and I use them to dress up or dress down an outfit. I have declutter my wardrobe (thanks to Debhttp://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-37-self-care/) I have got rid of a lot of clothes and I don’t buy anything new unless I really “love it madly or need it badly”.

I am at the gym and eating better and have started my weight reduction journey so fashion is on the back burner for me at the moment – for a fresh look I will add a new scarf or two……

Ok that is fashion sorted for now.  What about beauty?

I don’t do this very well. I don’t spend the time, not that is not true  I could always make time I don’t feel the need to do the whole make up thing.  What I need to do is a few basic things – I have very  dry skin and I don’t moisturise enough and I am a little bit hairy after the winter so there are two things I know I can work on.

There is an add running here in Canberra at the moment about a hairy caterpillar that sits at home because she is too hairy to go out in public until she goes to a hair removal place and a beautiful butterfly emerges.  So its time for this hairy caterpillar to turn into a beautiful butterfly.

 Ok so I’ve got a plan…. This time I didn’t make a list but it’s ok because a plan is just as good as a list.

Each day I will moisturise twice a day – whilst saying my affirmations and each week I will use my foot bath, soak my feet and shave my legs. 

Sounds like beauty is on its way to being sorted out…….. lets see how I go over the next few weeks and then I might add another ‘beauty’ thing to the daily activities.

Wow what a couple of weeks this has been :

Promotion at work, Heal your life workshop, Going to the gym, Working on the wardrobe,              Taking a few beauty steps

 I am finding peace in finding myself.

               

Week 35 – Rest and Relaxation

I was so rested and relaxed this week I didn’t get time to do my challenge. 

Well, sort of anyway.  I’ve made lots of changes over the past few weeks and part of those changes has been the added responsibility of long distance caring for my father.  But more importantly the changes I am making have added more to my day….. gym, Heal your life workshop, looking after dad and keeping in touch with my sister’s friends on top of soccer manager and getting a promotion at work.   

I’ve always been a strong believer of relaxing…. Actually I probably relaxed too much in the past. Now I am all about balance.

With so much on my plate at the  moment rest and relaxation are very important. That is why I have chosen Samsara as my gym – it is a very peaceful, caring and empowering environment that I feel relaxed even when I am doing my cardio and strength work out.

I’ve been thinking about what I am going to commit to ………

There are a lot of things I could commit to but I think that the one thing, the important thing is to commit to myself and I’ve started doing that.  It is the small change I’ve made but a very important one.

I am looking after myself, I am forgiving myself and more importantly I am doing things for me,  not only for everyone else.

http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-beauty-routine/

Time for change