Week 43 - Christmas

Christmas – I say bring it on. Bring what on I hear you say….. mmmm that is a tough one and Deb’s ( http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/holidays-organising-planning/)  challenge for this week has got me thinking.

Christmas – what do I really want from Christmas? What does my family want from Christmas? What will Christmas look like this year?

To find these answers I looked back at all the christmas’ – the small, the big, the lonely, the crowded, the fun, the sad – the good, the bad and the ugly.

There have been some great ones and some very average ones.

What made the great ones great and the average ones average?  Family!!!!

My early Christmas celebrations were very simple and filled with love. My parents are German and we have always celebrated on Christmas eve – Simple, family orientated and fun.  We always had gifts but nothing over the top, there was always plenty of food but not over the top and we always had love – plenty  of it.

So when did things change – obviously when I married things did change but not greatly. My In laws are from Belgium and as with my family there weren’t many of us (Mum and dad and 2 sisters on both sides). Christmas for both sides of the family has always been about being together and enjoying each other’s company. So when did it change?  As our families grew and we need to accommodation other in-laws, as our finances grew and we took Christmas to a new level (more money on gifts, more money on food).  Bit of a pattern here – when we took away the simple is when Christmas started to loose some of it’s glitz for me.  There are some memories of when it was really obscene the amount of gifts that we purchased for so few…. Yes I was to blame too. 

I was much happier when it was simple. That’s what I am aiming for.  Quality not quantity.

This year things will be different. It will be sad – my first Christmas without my big sister. So what does that mean – we usually don’t spend Christmas together anymore – we have in law responsibilities and well I don’t like the Gold coast at Christmas (too hot and too busy), we have dad to consider and moving him is too difficult. 

One of the last Christmas we had together was a Christmas in July and it was great  - simple and fun together.

Ok back on track – Christmas 2012 will be different. LOML, Merman and I usually spend every second year with LOML’s family and then the other year by ourselves. This year it was LOML’s family’s turn which in itself caused a few problems but LOML has said that considering the circumstances that we will go to my dad for Christmas. So it is 2 weeks on the Gold coast for us. I am so very glad because I need to be with dad.

There were a few things to consider with LOML’s family this year – His niece usually hosts Christmas lunch because they had a pool and bigger place plus then her husband’s family all come too (his parents have 15 brothers between them, then you add in the grandparents, kids and who there are heaps and heaps of people). This year one of the other uncles wanted to host Christmas – which is only fair.  So this year LOML’s family get together will be a bit earlier and will go back to being smaller, easier, simpler and probably more fun.  As it turns out I will be getting my wish for a simpler Christmas.

For me this Christmas will be different and very important – I need to step up and look after Dad. I’ve got plans and I will make sure we all have a good time.  I am organising Christmas eve for dad in the aged care facility (he doesn’t like eating out) so it will a nice quiet, simple time.  Keeping some of the family traditions going – Christmas eve, small presents, being together.

A time for reflection and a time for being together.

PS,  My sister loved Christmas and up until a few years ago was right into decorating the house with Christmas lights – in a major way.  She actually won the novice Gold Coast award for Christmas lights.  I have fantastic memories of Christmas and the lights.

Week 42 – Friendships

Ah friendships, they come in all shapes and sizes – good for you and bad for you.  This is another area I have been changing in my life. Yes so many changes and here I go with a few more.

Friendships come and go as we go through the different changes in our lives so do the friendships. Over the past year my best friend and I have gone different ways – we both changed and no longer think about things the same way. We both changed. Neither one was right but more importantly neither one was wrong. It was just different.

All of a sudden I didn’t want to spend time with her – well it was when I did spend time with her it wasn’t enjoyable. Actually it was annoying. It took me a while to realise it was ok to move forward and without her.

So here I am friendless (BFF is now just a distant memory). Friendless is a bit harsh, I do have other friends just not a BFF………

I’ve made some new friends, found some new interests but something was still missing – that was until yesterday. I was invited to a card making party.  Card making – ok I didn’t think that I’d enjoy it but I thought well give it a go and meet new people.  Well blow me down  if I didn’t really enjoy it and have a blast. I met some really nice people and found a new hobby. Woo hoo.  Big tick to the first part of the challenge.

I took this one in my stride too and called a friend and we are catching up on Thursday. I’ve never really had any problems with this one.  It is something I do best, but not as much as I should. So my challenge will be to connect more.

Friendships lost and friendships gained. Looking back to move forward I know the people I want to be with and I will seek them out. http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/holidays-visions-expectations/

Week 41 - Marriages

 I don’t know how Deb ( http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-42-friendships/ ) does it but the SYL challenges seem to be working hand in hand with the Heal your life homework I have. Last week we looked at relationships in Heal your life which led in nicely to this week’s SYL challenge……How to challenge our relationship this week?

A little bit of background…. I’ve been married to LOML for 29 years in November. Yep 29 Years -  for those that were wondering yes I was a child bride…..We’ve been good and bad times and we have one child – Merman 16 years old.

Times have been tough but times have also been good.  I truly believe LOML is my soul mate, just at some times we loose our way and things don’t go so well. Both us are to blame – neither of us are right and neither of us are wrong.  We have been through lots together and at times I think that I don’t want to be with him anymore but then he does something and I know I don’t ever want to be without him.  Things do get a stale and we do take ourselves for granted. We just get caught up in the every day and forget to have fun, we forget why we are together. No its more than that - we get so caught up in our lives the every day stuff we forget to have fun and why we got together.

This past week I have been really looking at our relationship and I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay but this week he has been amazing.  Full of love for me, telling me how much he cares and even telling me how much I matter to him. 

As part of my Heal Your life course I have been saying an affirmation about how I am grateful that we live harmoniously and that our relationship gives me everything I need.  I also had an ah ha moment – I keep wanting things but had forgotten to think about LOML, instead of worrying about myself all the time I should also be thinking about what he wants. 

This week I started doing things a bit differently and it has paid off.

We are getting on better and life is easier - a little less emotionally cluttered.

I also want to do a few things differently and I want to bring in a bit more fun into our relationship, we have gotten into a bit of a rut.  So next weekend I’ve asked LOML to go to the Rollerderby with me. Yes I know Rollerderby!  I’ve seen a few ads and well I think it will be fun.  The good thing is that he said yes.   It should be a fun night…… so already we are doing things differently.  I know it is only small steps but it is a start.

I am looking forward to finding new things we can do together to reignite our relationship.

 

Week 40 - Negative and toxic people

This is a challenge I have been dealing with lately and it is one that I found quite difficult. I started this about a year ago and have continued to “detox” my life. This can be difficult at times and was really hard but I’ve managed it.

I suppose it was a case of them or me and I matter more.  I looked at all my relationships and asked one question – Do the relationship drain me or does it enrich me? 

Sometimes it is hard to answer this question and it takes time to work it out but work it out I did. It took a lot of time and at times it really hurt.  One of the people I’ve removed (that’s a tough word – how about lessened contact with) from my life was my best friend of 25 years. We’d been through thick and thin but a year ago things changed.

We both changed and grew – in our case we grew apart. It is ok and I feel better for it but (yes there is always one of them) there are times you want your bestie. When my sister was in hospital and the subsequent weeks after her death I needed somebody – not my family but somebody to listen, to cry to, to tell my fears, to vent my anger just somebody to listen to me.  So I called her and it was ok, it wasn’t what it was but it was what I needed.

We sorted of kept in contact but we both know it will never be the same. But it was what it was. Over the last week she lost a close family member and I found out via Facebook.  So I called her mum to offer my condolences, I was very close to her mum and well I love her. I called her too and it was ok – not great but I let her know I was there for her.  I will be attending the funeral and I will offer all support but I also know it will never be the same.

So toxics have been removed but a lingering taste remains. It will be tough for many reasons but it is something I have to do.

I have also been removing other toxic people from my life. Whilst I can’t remove all at the moment I am distancing myself from them and limiting contact.

Now the fun begins – filling the spaces with new friends.  I’ve met some really great people lately.  By freeing up my time and regaining some energy I’ve been able to take on new challenges and meet new people that raise me up instead of dragging me down.

So whilst it is hard to detox………. it is so much fun and such a happy time meeting new like minded people.

thanks Deb (http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-41-marriage/)