52 Week Challenge - work 10

Let go and be vulnerable.

Once again Deb has hit the mark – before I start rambling about my fears I just want to say how much I am loving these challenges. Thank you so much Deb http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-11-kindness-gratitude-and-altruism/  I am so glad you faced your fear and started this fantastic challenge.  I hope you realise how much you have helped me.

What am I afraid of? Well to be honest and I think I can be honest with you even if this sounds corny. I am afraid of sounding silly, of saying something that doesn’t make sense or more to the point of what I feel or think not making sense. Let me explain:

I don’t always speak my mind as I don’t want to sound silly, it is actually more than that. I don’t often say how I really feel because I think that my opinion doesn’t matter. Who am I to know what I am talking about, yes it all comes down to confidence.  I am aware that I do it and I use a number of tools to help me through it.

Instead of being spontaneous I always try to think before I speak so  at times I appear wooden, or fake and I really don’t like that.  Don’t get me wrong sometimes it is important not to rush into something. See that’s what I am talking about –here we are at the crux of the issue - this is where my fear originates – I don’t want to be seen to do the wrong thing, or for people not to like me.  Really who cares if they don’t like me or what I say.  What is more important, being true to myself or people liking what I say?

Look out there is that negative nelly again.  Who says that people wouldn’t agree with me, that what I say is silly or if people wouldn’t like me. Look out folks I think this is a watershed moment here.  This is fairly important so I might just repeat it.

Who says that people wouldn’t agree with me, that what I say is silly or if people wouldn’t like me.

Maybe I need a bit of self talk here – being true to myself doesn’t mean I don’t make sense.

While it is important to be respected at work maybe I would earn more respect if I was true to myself and not just a go along/agreeing/ and being a smiling ninny. Of course its about timing and places and saying things that are relevant but I need to speak my mind a bit more – not aggressive but assertive.

There is a bit of food for thought isn’t there.

I am a happy person and I like to have fun, I like to make people smile (although I don’t like it when they laugh at me) and for me this is a very fine line. This is another fear I have – at times I am too soppy and emotional. I would often like to say more than I do, to show more feelings and to show more kindness but I hang back not wanting to be too overwhelming or give too much of myself.  Maybe its more about loving myself more than anything else, thinking that I am worthy to have friends. OOPS  that was a bit deep.  Oh well its out there now I can’t take it back.

I have some other fears but I think this is the major one and when I conquer this one it will lead to other successes actually when this is conquered the others will just fade away.

Empty vessels make the most sound is a saying that I often say to myself and one that I am going to lose from myself talk vocabulary actually I am going to swap it with “Being true to myself I will say what I think”.

I will work on my confidence, I will address this by small steps.  If I don’t agree I will say so. Actually I already started – without going into too many details I stood up for myself at work when a comment was made that I didn’t agree with and that I found offensive.  It was good and instead of a few bad feelings that could have festered the situation was explained and sorted then and there on the spot.

Baby steps I know but a very important first step.

There is so much we can learn from children, I love the confidence children have, no fear and an amazing amount of self belief that they can do anything.  It is very sad that as parents our own fears that hold them back.   I love listening to my son when tells me how great he is and how he can do this and that. He has no silly hangups that stops him getting out there and doing the things he likes. That is something else I will do I will take a leaf out of his book and start believing that I am good enough, that I am worthy and I can do it.